Author Christy Angelette

On my journey of spirituality and healing, I have setbacks and I relapse. The experiences of truama take me all the way under. Triggers usually come from within my own circle of friends and family. Those closest to us, have the advantage of hurting us the most. I left my abuser over a year ago, in his anger he uses and manipulates our children to punish me and stroke his ego. The child I gave birth to has been trained to disrespect and hate me. A whole new form of torture I’m enduring. Each attack takes me back, all I see in him now is his father. In my brokenness I failed to protect my son from his mental harm. Same as me, he dosen’t realize he’s being abused and misused. At this point I cannot keep looking back, to that I will not return. I tried to save him, but to what end, how much is the cost? Self preservation is my main motivation. He hates me now, but he’ll need me later. I survived childhood to adult abuse by the hands of my mother. I survived spousal abuse by the hands of my lover, I will not allow my own child to make me feel my life isn’t worth while. This is where my faith comes in helping me to stand firm, to not break when I bend. My life and the lives of my children are forever changed. I’m healing, but the scars reopen without any notice and I bleed out all over again. This is what I call truama. I patch up my wounds and carry on, my race must be run until God calls me home.