Author Christy Angelette

Pain is a universal language we all speak fluently.  The beginning and middle of my life have been excruciating. Reflecting back, I don’t know which hurt me more, childhood or marriage. In totality, it’s all been one big horror story.  My mother broke my spirit.  He broke my back, my heart, and the fragile mind I had left. However, every tragedy in my life is not their fault. The choices made under duress and manipulation were still mine to make and healing is my responsibility.  I’ve been reading that a perpetrator and victim need each other to create a codependent type of dysfunction.

“I was entering a relationship that would be precisely what I was running away from – Abundance beyond trauma- book by Author Jeannine Rashidi

---

Those words were a reflection of my story.  Our traumas vary in range, but the results are often the same.  We repeat what we do not heal.  As a young woman, I was in denial of how much damage had been done, which would affect every decision and all my relationships.  I thought leaving home at 18 would make everything okay. I had escaped only to run into another version of the same thing. Living with several mental diagnoses rooted in trauma has been exhausting.

Such traumatic experiences become the reality of that individual’s life, carried forward in every future perception and action. – Author Jeannine Rashidi

2 Samuel 22:7-8 NIV
[7] “In my distress, I called to the Lord; I called out to my God. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came to his ears. [8] The earth trembled and quaked, the foundations of the heavens shook; they trembled because he was angry.

There is no rhyme or reason for the suffering and abuse of others, especially children.  The sinking hole of depression is not having all the answers and waking up to the reality of your existence that has been a nightmare on repeat since the very beginning.  The thought often leads me to the story of Job. God allowed Satan to do his worst as a test of his faith. I believe during these current times this is still the case.  My faith wavers with every struggle and loss, yet I still believe I am called as a believer to carry my cross.  After all, God sacrificed his own son, and I am always reminded by him that I am loved.  Since I was six years old, death has been calling my name and knocking at my door as an escape from this existence, yet Jesus restored and renewed me, breathing new life. I have moments of clarity where I know I’ll be alright.

2 Samuel 22:17 NIV
[17] “He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep water.

---

This long and tedious journey of mental and spiritual healing continues. I am healing, growing, blossoming, and overcoming.       Our pain should serve a greater purpose as a bridge to others who are stuck in a cycle of abuse or in the memories of their trauma.  I am currently finishing up a book with a fictional story with grains of truth about what I’ve endured, which will also share neuroscience of how we can heal ourselves, techniques, and coping skills to overcome.  Thank you for reading my story.