Author Christy Angelette

A sheep amongst wolves.

---

Finding love at this age is like discovering the perfect pair of jeans; he has to fit the curves and spaces that trauma has given me. A life filled with abuse has caused me to not trust anyone, but my therapist has said, I can trust myself from learned experience.  God says to trust the inner instincts as the whisper of his holy spirit, that gnawing and knowing a person is not for me shouldn’t be taken lightly.

Valentines was a bust and Now that the fabricated holiday has passed, people who genuinely love 365 days out of the year will resume.  Meanwhile, the current state of my romantic life and wait for a God-chosen mate has been stagnant.  My dating pool is small and shallow.  I tend not to discriminate based on age,  finances, or outward appearances cause God’s ways are mysterious.  My suitors have been lackluster, sad, and comical.  Yet, they were still given the chance to present themselves as a whore, con artist, or a husband in wait of a wife.  What I continue to encounter are lost boys in men’s bodies barely getting by.  Emotional growth underdeveloped, who cannot provide anything beyond manipulation and penis, having no regard for my faith or love for Jesus.

One was blocked from social media and found himself in my messages asking if I indeed had disconnected his view and scroll of Christy. “Can we meet for coffee?”  My response  was a hard, “no.”  It’s been seven years of no dates, affirmations of love, or feelings; my time and presence were meaningless.  God would rather I have it all or nothing, that’s the way he loves. His daughters and sons were created for more than pleasure and should unite together to serve a greater purpose.  Spiritual warfare happens in every aspect of our lives whether we believe it or not.  The opposition keeps sending out decoys to detour and destroy my God-given destiny and an honorable desire to be holy.

---

---

Self and soul preservation have given me the courage to walk away, but during this single season,  the wrong men have kept pursuing me.  It feels like emotional rape, I keep saying no, yet they keep forcing their agenda. Knowing full well we don’t want or value the same things and have come to a mutual understanding of disconnecting permanently. 

They always return, here comes somebody else’s ill-meaning son, calling from a different number after being blocked.  “Bae I miss you.”  Musing on about the times we laughed and how extraordinary I am because with me there’s rarely a dull moment. 

Men will want me, but only one will have me as his bride for the last time.  I don’t need a sample to identify a match made in hell; Scripture reads you will know them by the fruit they bear.  Lately, I can hear the truth in the lies they tell and see the reality in the dream they’re trying to sell.  When a man decides you’re the object of his desire, it’s hard to detach from the trap, but not impossible.  My survival and therapeutic journey have given me the layout of escaping sociopaths. I would have lost all hope and called it a day if it had not been for the vision God had given. As he Did for Abraham and Joseph. Over my life, I have seen the manifestation of every revelation in his perfect timing.  God is not done, and my heart is his; I decline to give it to anyone without his blessing, favor, and anointing on it.  In the wrong hands, my love and light have perished and failed to thrive.

Galatians 5:22-24 NLT
[22] But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, [23] gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! [24] Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there.

---

God is not pleased when I speak his word to wayward men, and they still seek to seduce, defoul, and mislead me.  Drastic measures are sometimes taken by a change of address or number.  An honorable husband is in my impending future.  According to my heavenly Father; Throwing my pearls to pigs is not an option.