Author Christy Angelette

---

I’ve buried people in my mind and I grieve them over the holidays. During these times all the pain I’ve experienced revisits like a Christmas Carol to tell the story of an unfortunate life. Oftentimes I feel like the Grinch with very little holiday cheer or desire for family gatherings outside of my children.

Mental and spiritual health are two major issues we should all give more attention to year-round.  The holidays are especially triggering for those who are recovering from trauma and reliving great loss.  Suicide rates are the highest during these times.
🌲 988 is the lifeline.

Today, I had trauma therapy, and I tackled abandonment, which is a trait of borderline personality disorder.  I was told most of this was most likely ingrained in the brain during childhood developmental stages of 7 to 11.   This timeline makes sense because it was during those ages that I had seen extreme violence and endured sexual trauma.

Cutting people off over the years has been a subconscious symptom of it; I abandon them first to avoid being left by them when my presence no longer serves them.  A clean disconnect has been easier than recovering from a disappearance act.  I can’t afford to lose myself anymore.  It’s a chilly cold world for sure.  We must warm our hearts with the love and word of God.

During most sessions, we discuss the importance of self-awareness and evaluating feelings and thoughts.  Using the ability to filter thoughts to distinguish what is real or adaptive behavior.  On this mental health journey, I’ve learned that a traumatic response overrides the rational brain.

The holidays, for most of us, are the loneliest and most triggering time of the year; we often choose to be alone for various reasons; for me, being around people who have everything while you live in need is depressing.  Some know that you are suffering inside and do nothing but stare and talk about your sad predicament amongst themselves. Others are on a demonic mission to bring about strife and add to the misery. 

Lastly, but the most heart wrenching, is the people who are the happiest to see you, laughing and talking like no time or incident has ever happened.  This type of fraudulent fellowship will pull you in and never speak again until the next holiday, wedding, or death.   It’s overwhelming trying to deal with people and take care of yourself in regards to mental health.  

During these downtrodden, dark times, I have to fill myself up with God’s truth and positive affirmations and reflect on reasons to be grateful.  Our mind can be a time bomb of trauma responses but therapy, mindfulness, education, and intention are useful tools used to disarm and strengthen our resolve.

Colossians 1:11-12 NLT
[11] We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, [12] always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light.

---