I was sleeping yet awake, trapped in between a dream, spiritual realms, and reality intertwined with trauma, screaming for my mother, yet no sound came out.
A pain felt so heavy radiated within me, all I could do was moan and groan as tears started streaming. I am aware of my surroundings but cannot move.
The medical term for this experience is called sleep paralysis but spiritually it is believed to be something else entirely.
When we sleep the body is at rest but the mind is busy trying to repair itself by reliving a combination of revealing and triggering traumatic experiences that are hidden deep within our brains. The things that are so terrible our brain has forced itself to subconsciously forget.
Sleep Paralysis is an experience closely linked to the spiritual world, which courses with compromised motor functions (inability to move, talk, and/or scream), hallucinations, and the frightening manifestation of a shapeless, or faceless, presence.
Our souls are vulnerable during sleep,
I will go more in-depth with these experiences in the book that I am currently writing.
The Amazon series Them season two, titled “The Scare” was set in the early 90’s but the storyline is as old as the beginning of time regarding generational trauma and curses that stay in the bloodline.
Most people including medical professionals have little to no experience regarding spirituality and demonic forces at play when it comes to mental illness. It’s hard to comprehend it if you haven’t had to endure or witness it.
Thinking back to my mother who was diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic because she heard voices and saw people she believed to be ghosts. Her vicious attacks on me for no apparent reason, and the way she violently lashed out at other people now makes sense. I firmly believe my mother was battling demons. She had a pastor come anoint our walls, windows, doors and pray over our home for protection.
Society would have you solely believe the mentally ill are only battling within ourselves.
[18] And Yeshua said to them, “I was watching satan fall like lightning from heaven.[19] Behold, I have given you authority to trample upon serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you
THEM on the other hand clearly depicts the outside forces in spiritual realms at play that have power over traumatized abused discarded individuals.
when a therapist sits down to get a patient’s history it is common to find the same horror has been endured for generations.
[17] For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.
Molestation, domestic violence, and physical to verbal child abuse are often covered up or not believed and that action gives Satan the power to infiltrate the next generation with ease. Most abusers were once victims, the only saving grace is accepting, believing, and personally knowing Jesus. Children tend to repeat the abuse they endure onto others.
I was that child who lashed out, fought my closest cousins, and bullied other children. The worst part of all I was well on my way to becoming a molester up until the age of adolescence I was doing to girls what had been once done to me as if I was in a trance, one day I woke up and denounced the evil at hand. You’ve read enough about me, let’s get back to this explosive series that dove deep into trauma, and spirituality.
Edmund had been raised by a psychotic woman who fostered children, she treated them like animals instead of kids. At one point they were both saved, but Edmund was returned to the hands of a living breathing monster because he hadn’t healed or forgotten his trauma.
I identified with so many aspects of this, I too was taken out of the home, being saved, only to be returned because I had become a product of the environment I was raised in. This was the turning point that made Edmund a ticking bomb that would become explosive when exposed to repeated rejection, invalidated feelings, no God to believe in, no medication, and no therapy.
He dwelt on hate and this misfortune caused him to go insane. Having his twin forget he even existed or carried any memory of the horrific events they both experienced was the turning point. These scenes also hit a nerve within me because my sister/cousin denied any memory of the sexual trauma we both experienced. Decades later my son was molested and forced to deny it. The horror of the story he told so vividly to me, the police and forensic investigators made me mentally lose it.
How in the hell could this happen again? I stood by his side without any support of my own, until I snapped and could no longer bear the weight of it all.
Whenever a person loses sight of God, no one is safe, when this happens life no longer matters to them and any lingering humanity within is gone.
The light goes out of their eyes and their soul dwells in darkness.
The most telling, and thought-provoking scene was when Edumund was battling for his life with a very real demon. Suicide ideation had already been an ongoing mental event for him throughout the series, but this particular scene gave a vision of the experience many of us have been having. The demon is lying face to face with him as he contemplates ending his existence.
it whispers, “Give yourself over to me.” telling him he is nothing, pleading with him to just give up.
The Lines are blurred between mental illness and spirituality. The news reports or an unbeliever sitting in a chair will fail to put it all together, depression is demonic oppression.
people who experience alternate versions of me in moments of despair or rage have said it was like talking to a demon. I validate their experience because in those moments I am disconnected from myself. From another point of view, it’s the enraged little six-year-old girl who is tired of being abused, when she perceives it coming from anyone she becomes the villain instead of the victim.
During THE SCARE Edmund gave up any fight he had left, became enraged and homicidal. Being forgotten by his sister while battling demons was more than his heart and brain could bear. In the most chilling way, Edmund says,” Ever since I left your house, all I see is blood.” after this, we see the beginnings of his psychotic descent. I now firmly believe demons are whispering into the ears of sleeping weak and broken vessels, seeping in between the cracks of their sanity and humanity. The negative things we think our, are not our thoughts.
The common denominator between one who survives and the one who loses their grip on reality is their knowledge and reverence of God.
I have seen and battled real demons that people portray in movies. My mother was enraged on a Saturday night because I didn’t have stockings for church. I started shaking and stuttering, thinking of how I would escape cause her silence was the calm before the storm. Perhaps there was a demon whispering in her ears, that her bitch of a daughter had fucked up again. I found it to be familiarly interesting hearing the demon saying such vulgar things, my mother would also talk to me this way while in a psychotic state. If you ask me today I would tell you without doubt, it wasn’t her speaking. Unfortunately, that night ended with me watching A knife go past me, just inches away from my skin penetrating my father instead. I had to kick out my bedroom screen window and run for my life. My dad and I.
She chased us down the street like Michael Meyers. So far I can’t erase the image and it replays in my dreams in various ways. A trauma wound that heals slowly, for some becomes infected as depicted by the actor Luke James who did an outstanding job displaying the depth of trauma, maternal and generational wounds. The ending of Them season two really had my head triggered, after one demon was defeated another had risen to take its place. This is the reality of the world we live in, God is real and so are demons.
Author Christy Angelette 
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