Lust and Lies
So, we are here yet again, starting the year off single, forty-six to be exact.
In my younger years, this would have deeply saddened me,
Yet I feel liberated to heal
Free from triggering individuals and one-sided romances.
During 2023 I allowed myself to be swept up in a Facetime/phoneline relationship that was on and off again more times than it should have been.
We connected on multiple levels of writing, faith, creativity, and purpose, yet the age gap and underlying toxic behaviors would prove to be detrimental, given that and the fact we never actually met in person.
In my unsettling experience they either come on too strong or are waiting to be pursued.
Reflection, self-awareness, God, and therapy have helped me to build a firmer mental foundation that allows me to thrive, protect my mind, and maintain peace. I value these things above being married or loved. I have learned myself, triggers, needs, and no can-do’s. I rarely get around to dating because the conversations prior are telling.
The men I have encountered attempt to use my disclosure of a bad marriage and childhood trauma as a blockage to our getting along, I say consider it all a lesson learned that doesn’t require repeating, gaining full access to me should never be taken lightly. I know the behaviors of textbook narcissists and of people who haven’t healed and faced their own shortcomings.
I’m upfront regarding my triggers and trauma, through a lifetime of counseling and God I know myself better than ever and most men use the knowledge of my mental health to manipulate the circumstances by telling me I’m overthinking and overreacting.
A handsome pastor with a muscular body approached me online, we reconnected a year after I abruptly stopped talking to him the first time. Initially, he was attentive, calling, and consistent, we had things in common. He seemed smitten and intrigued with me.
Only to abruptly go missing for days giving me the, “I’ve been so “busy.” explanation while running down a list of his obligations, to that I suggested he find a woman right there where he spent all his time. In my mind, it was over, yet the man was still stalking me online, caught in my views, loving the content. I thought to myself to give the guy one more try.
We finally meet and what I thought would be something more quickly turned into less. The good pastor who is middle-aged and allegedly single only came for a fling, seduced me, and left with nothing more to say than,
“I made it back home.” per text. A man who originally made sure to connect in some type of way every day including sending thirst traps suddenly had nothing to say. I was seriously depressed after that, feeling unworthy, dumb, and taken advantage of. I’ve been told by someone who claim to love me, that I was nothing more than a hole to jump up and down in, you never forget something as demeaning as that.
Good thing God said differently, I hear his voice in my head telling me repeatedly how much he loves me. He knows my heart and the weakness of the flesh. Men motivated solely by lust and greed pick and choose who they will misuse. Women perceived as weak and wounded are used as a tool for sexual release.
I will end a relationship as quickly as it starts if I find the person is leading with lust and has a closed heart.
The moral of the story,
don’t be sidetracked by love or put your heart in the hands of liars and fools.
They will steal your happiness like a thief, snatch your heart right outta your chest, and do nothing with it.
to them, it holds no value.
Sadly, I’ve been told the gold is between my legs.
It’s lust over love out here.
❤️🩹 Treasure yourself🧠
Let’s not fall for frauds.
If sex, lies, and empty conversation are all they have to give stay single.
👩🏾🏫The SingleAgain series continues.
Author Christy Angelette 
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