As a refresher for new readers,
In my latter years, I became an advocate, writer, and worker of the mental health system. It’s been hard for others to comprehend an illness they haven’t had. The conversations regarding reasons for toxic and unhealthy behavior patterns are rarely had. Yet we all are faced with moments of mental health crisis, rage, and depressive days.
It’s been a while since I last wrote about my experiences. My mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and depression. Being under her care caused me to suffer under extreme duress and triggered me into mental suicide ideation starting at the age of six.
I witnessed traumas and bizarre behavior that I cannot forget, which often replay as I sleep and can be triggered while awake. From a teenager to an adult I studied my mother’s illnesses to have a better grasp and understanding, but it wasn’t until I became an adult patient that I understood the gravity of the situation.
I am currently in ongoing talk therapy biweekly, with the addition of EMDR therapy, ( Desensitization) to triggers, two antidepressants, and medical marijuana. The state of Mississippi reluctantly made it legal to have the medicinal.
I was so excited to have access to what I needed by legal means. Years ago I realized the benefits of using it and believing I could stop taking the other medications in preference to the legalized pharmaceutical option. I had hope and prayed as the other states had begun to give leeway. Unfortunately, that has not been the case but others are finding success in that.
As for me, my journey has been sidetracked consistently, from necessary interactions with an abusive ex to working around people who take my introverted nature as an invitation to pick, meaning to intentionally rattle me. I am different and oftentimes quiet, leaving most to be unsettled or perturbed in my presence. People and their off energy give me unwanted anxiety. Life’s unexpected pitfalls happen often causing me distress and increased levels of deep depression.
Add up the load that weighs upon me and the scale is way off balance, causing me to need more than the comfort of weed. A month ago I stopped my nighttime medication of Remeron, which induces sleep, aids in appetite stimulation, and is great for depression. The weight gain is a side effect I no longer need, one of two reasons I wanted to stop taking it. As time went by I began to notice a difference in my level of depression, on a scale of 1-10. It was a 10 y’all.
The only thing that had changed was my stress level and use of the Remeron medication. After discussing this with my Nurse practitioner of Psychiatry, we agreed I should start taking it. Two weeks have gone by and I am feeling the difference in my ability to maintain some peace and mental balance. When you can remain calm in any situation you can overcome a negative or toxic reaction.
The antidepressants that specifically match my genetic brain chemistry work well with marijuana.
I get an instant relief when agitated or triggered that lasts for hours.
The side effects of medical marijuana are related to the strain. Sativa is more of a stimulant used for daytime consumption, it works well for clarity, calmness, happiness, and focus, paired with my daytime antidepressant Pristque which suits and serves me.
At night with the right strain of sativa or indigo-induced sleepiness, I have no problems with racing thoughts keeping me up at night. Indigo is also good for a whole body high that numbs the physical and mental pain.
Medical marijuana also has CBD and terpenes which makes the pain portion more potent.
So far I haven’t had any negative experiences, I also have a doctor on stand-by if I should have any questions or need an appointment regarding my use of marijuana. Exercise is still part of my regimen and making sure my body is full of the necessary nutrients. Spiritually I feed my soul daily.
Holistic health is the goal of having a fit mind, body, and soul.
Thanks for reading my story.
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Author Christy Angelette 
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