Author Christy Angelette

Climbed out of the hole of despair, honestly it’s a miracle I’m still here.  I know that spiritual warfare is real. I’ve been subjected to a brutal attack on my soul and mind, if I had to paint a picture of what I’ve been through; It would feature many demons posed as people taunting me in a circle, as I drown in grief. They each took a turn, showing me all I’ve lost, telling me what I will never have and don’t deserve. Ushering me to take that final step, Jumping off the cliff and facing my death.  God doesn’t love you. Give up on him, cause he has given up on you. I know I’m not alone in this, suicide statistics and mental illness have proven it. 

Last night I cried until my eyes hurt and heart felt it would implode. I allowed others of the faith to know, I was drowning, going underneath the weight of this world. Why did I reach out in need?  Because I still have the faith of a mustard seed. Underneath all this pain.  The prayers of the rightouse was the water nourishing it, giving me strength to rise up and begin to swim. 

Today I was able to put one foot in front of the other and have an honest conversation with my heavenly father; Reminded him of all I’ve been through as if he had no clue, repeated his promises and asked what more am I to do? I made a decision to be thankful for the present moment and day.  A roof over my head, a little money to purchase things I need, I’m the one that’s thankful for the basics necessities, So many others are out there suffering. I made a decison to keep going and not give up. I’ll keep calling on God until he responds.  The last three years I’ve been at the door of heaven but living in hell. I must be close to a break through. Internally I’ve died a thousand times to despair, depression and misery. Every day Jesus has resurrected me.