On my last doctors visit for my mental health check up, I mentioned my difficulties with sleeping, anxiety and racing thoughts. I reported seeing myself healing, recovering yet still struggling. I suggested Klonopin a mild anti anxiety medication. He quickly denounced the idea and suggested an antidepressant I’ve taken before called Remeron. I was hesitant despite the bouts of sadness and depression I had been experiencing. Most of it in my mind was in reaction to the uncontrollable setbacks, loneliness and let downs occurring in my life. I took the script, tucked it into my wallet, weighed my options. Over the last three years faith had restored and healed so much of my trauma and mental instability. Breaking away from toxic relationships was beneficial. Solitude became a gift. I had begun to live and not just merely exist, finding enjoyment in life and the simple things we often take for granted. I have a strength and bounce back resilience that I’ve grown to admire and love. I decided not to get the prescription filled. While writing out the script the doctor said, “medication can only accomplish so much.” I have found this to be true, the real work can only be done by you. Refocusing my thoughts, Knowing I can only do, what I can do within my own power, musical therapy, reading self help and growth books, meditating on positive affirmations, focusing on my mental health instead of the stigma of “mental illness” the depression has lessened and released it’s grip on me. I only take 25mg of benadryl prior to bed time, focus on my breathing, begin to relax and drift off. I’m sleeping without overwhelming anxiety or an antidepressant. Whenever my mind wants to wonder, instead of getting overly anxious about it, I let it wonder a bit and eventually refocus on my breathing and sleep. Don’t ever let your mental health make you feel your problems can only be resolved by pills and people. There is much we can do to begin healing our inner selves holistically and naturally. I’ve taken plenty of medications over the years and if you need them and they help you take them. I am not anti medication, I am pro other alternatives. I am pro healing, recovering and overcoming. Getting to the root of the problems and discovering solutions that may not come in a bottle. This is my Journey. I am healing, learning and growing.
Author Christy Angelette 