Author Christy Angelette

These days I can see the beauty in everything. In the eyes and smiles of random people I see. The sun shining brightly to the background of a cloudy blue sky. The laughter, joy and smile of my toddler son. The way he sucks his bottom lip just before falling asleep, in the way we snuggle together in the mornings. There’s been so much rain in this new year of my life. I’m swimming in a pool of pain. I find it amazing I can see the beauty in anything. Winter hasn’t been cold as the heart of the man I divorced, who professed his undying love and sorrow a few months ago. Every moment of my life has been fleeting, here and gone so quickly, but the pain lingers refusing to leave me. I’ve realized maybe I’m not bipolar after all, my moods and instability are reactions to life aggressively happening to me. Most of my life has been abusive and tragic, accompanied by a long list of mistakes and regrets. Being a mother was the most beautiful part of it all, but even that has been stolen from me. I rarely see my kids, and that hurts more than words can describe. I cannot afford to fight for them or properly take care of them, yet I haven’t lost all hope. I know God is here with me and watching over them. I often feel his presence and Imagine him wiping the tears from my eyes as they fall. I feel my mother encouraging me and all of heaven cheering me on; Reminding me to keep it together, to stay strong. The best is yet to come, with all this in my heart and mind, I wake up each day and carry on. I still believe in miracles. I still believe your whole life can change for the better or worse overnight. Personally, I’ve experienced enough of the worst, so I’m holding on to hope, expecting and believing in God for the better.