I am a phoenix rising from the ashes. Every day I rise up from the grips of death and the devastation of depression. Today was a good day, productive, peaceful and joyful, in spite of anxiety keeping me awake all night. My brain did not settle down until the sun came up. Thoughts of how far i’ve come and the things I will do raced thru my mind. Yes it was the good kind, still I longed to rest my mind. sleep has been a battle most of my adult life that I am determined to win. Over the completion of the dreaded holidays, I fought depression with everything I had. Prayer, Affirmation meditation music, reading devotionals and listening to motivation speakers per YouTube. It worked. On this journey what has worked the most is, not beating myself up and expecting to be happy all the time. Realizing surviving a lifetime of trauma has allowed me the right to have moments of sadness and despair. It happened and the memories of it never go away, when they resurface I feel what I feel, release it through journaling and/or tears, sing, dance and let it fade into the background. Depression may visit, but It is not allowed to stay. Being free from toxic people and turning toxic thoughts inside out has been emotionally key for my growth and recovery. I basically hit the reset button on my life and started all over. No friends, No lover, just me healing what was broken. Rediscovering and reinventing myself. I’ve been lonely, but the bright side of my loneliness has been peace, with no regrets in the choices I had to make in order to get here. I have no doubt things will continue to turn in my favor. I was homeless in the start of this process, I now have a home. I was broke with no Job, I now have a job I love. I was living a life with no purpose, Now I’m walking in it. My faith and beliefs have kept me grounded through it all, it’s a proven path to greater things. This is a new year. Cheers to the progress made, learning from mistakes and embracing new beginnings. Depression can take a backseat to my happiness, when it tries to hop up front and take control of the wheel, I’ll pull over and put it all over again. Healing is a life long journey. I’m no longer afraid or ashamed to face my flaws or feelings.
Author Christy Angelette 